Saturday, 26 July 2014

Burying the hatchet

Some of you may know the fiasco that was the apparent end of my friendship with my previous flatmate. Well it would seem that may not have been an end after all.

Roughly a week ago, I received a text from him asking to meet so he could "right what (he) made wrong". Needless to say I was incredibly surprised, both for the olive branch and that he was admitting he'd been in error in some way. I agreed to meet. Heck knows I've had unresolved issues about that whole mess and the abrupt and hostile way things fell apart.

We met on Tuesday at the flat that was once 'ours'. It was strange to be back in that environment. I felt at once comfortable and yet out of place. I was so nervous. On the drive there I was giving my steering wheel a pep talk about not being silly/nervous/suspicious. I went prepared to listen to what he had to say and hopeful for some answers. I think I was open to a positive outcome and yet wary of trusting too quickly.

The talk was good and it was actually really good to see him again without wanting to bash his head into a wall. Unfortunately I didn't get the answers I sought. I would have been happier with answers I didn't like, than with none at all. Regardless, I accepted his apology. I told him my feelings about the saga and how stuff has affected me since. We chatted about life for a while afterwards and it felt mostly 'normal', though awkward for me at times (has anyone noticed how awkward the word awkward looks?).

I hope we can become strong friends again. I don't know his new fiance from a bar of soap, but she sounds like a positive influence in his life and I applaud her. I am happy that there's no animosity anymore. It's never pleasant going through life thinking someone hates you and not understanding why.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Kenny G coming to SA

I REALLY want to go. My first thought when seeing the ad on Computicket was "Ooh! I want to take my Mom to that!". Then I realised my parents would have moved away by then. My flatmate DID make a good point that I could fetch her on the way up to JHB. The Free State is a bit out of the way, but what's an extra few hours' drive.

I would like to get another CD/vinyl of his. I think I want to delve deeper into Jazz. I find the music incredibly soothing.

Courtesy of a Google image search...

Thursday, 10 July 2014

The Sound of Letting Go (is the Sound of Silence)

I should be working/knitting/doing my taxes but instead my mind is trapped in a useless memory maze. I cannot stop thinking of my ex-flatmate. It's starting to piss me off.

My current flatmate and best friend (and his ex) told me yesterday that said person has gotten engaged. I can honestly say that my first and main thought was that I hope a lifetime of happiness was ahead of him, and all that good natured stuff. And I honestly mean it. Heck knows he isn't the favourite person of many others in my life, but I do earnestly wish him happiness with his now fiance.

So why have I found myself thinking of him and those past days, and very often? I was washing dishes tonight and even that made me think of days gone past, silly feuds over a casserole dish, and had me re-puzzling over what the hell happened.

Now I know that I have an addictive/obsessive personality but come on, really? It's been a year and a half. Why can't my brain accept that it ended weirdly with major unexplained animosity from his side, and consequently mine a bit later when I started to get angry about it, and move the heck on?!

I'd even forgotten that I couldn't forgive a certain after-the-fallout immature cruelty on his part that, at the time, had me alternatively reeling and wanting to punch something. Apparently I can forgive him though if I forgot about it. Forgiven, forgotten (though now remembered). It seems I still haven't let go of the whole situation though.

Then again my mother seems to think I still have unresolved issues about the break-ins from last year. Guess letting go isn't my strong point.

Perhaps I needed to grieve for the lost friendship - grief is supposed to provide this whole catharsis thing isn't it? What annoys me is that it's not as if I am all twisted up about it anymore. I was. I spent months wondering what the hell happened to deserve his level of contempt (I'm later told that it's an inability to deal with emotions that was the cause, but only he really knows). Now I am quite close to complete apathy. In fact I thought I had reached that state of peace. So again, why the mental malfunction?!

Can't drink wine because alcohol will screw me up at the mo, and I can't ask him about it and 'get closure' or something silly because I was instructed in no uncertain terms to "stay out of (his) life and never contact (him) again because (he) has nothing to say". That was around the time of his 'unforgivable' act of cruelty. And in all honestly, what would it achieve anyway? He's happy, I'm fine. Stirring that pot again will just make me feel worse. So I write.

Sigh. Tea? Yes. Tea solves most problems. Tea and cartoons.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

LEGO: Not Just Items for Injury to Bare Feet

I have to give an Astronomy public talk in about a month's time for South Africa's National Science Week. Not quite sure what I will chat about yet but during my research I came across this:

It's a LEGO Idea for the Hubble Space Telescope. I am enough of an astro nerd to think this would be really cool. I remember playing with Lego as a kid, before the 'sets' came onto SA shop shelves and you had a box of colourful pieces in many sizes, one of those green Lego boards and just started creating. Through the years on the few occasions I've entered toy stores, I've seen the Lego sets outlive the boxes of random pieces and these days there are so many things that can be bought as box sets: pirate ships, Death Stars, Transformers.

What I found out today is that you can submit an idea for a box set to Lego and (I assume it needs to pass some sort of Lego master inspection) it gets put on their LEGO Ideas site to see if it gets enough votes to consider manufacturing it. At the moment, the Hubble Space Telescope is about a third of it's way to the 10000 votes goal.

Even though I don't play with Lego anymore and have never built a box set thingy in my life, I just voted for it. Because that's cool. It's even got the antenna...

You can go here to vote... Hint hint, nudge nudge.

A mish-mash catch-up

Hello again. It's been a while. Quick update on the DK... I hacked into my Windows partition (thank you Linux!) after forgetting my password, installed and then spent an entire weekend playing. It. Was. Beautiful. Stuck on level 12 I think it is and haven't played DK in three months. You see I made the decision to put it on my Windows partition feeling very clever that I wouldn't be able to just say 'ag, just a quickie' when tired of work (I predominantly use my Linux partition) and end up losing five hours addictively playing DK. Well. I've had work work work and haven't been able to change partitions, even when not actively participating in work because code is running. So yes, anyway. Happy happy happy with DK, just haven't gotten to it again in a while.

Parents are moving to the Free State and I will really miss being able to see them at random (currently only an hour's drive away). Work actually had an up-swing thanks to a new collaborator but I find myself in another lackadaisical frame of mind, when I really need to be nose-to-the-grind-stone. Typical. Built a cool dragon in some 'spare' three hours on the weekend.

Want to paint it but I have this creative anxiety that I will screw it up and the effect will be ruined. I am oft plagued by silly fear of failure and so don't make the attempt at all. I WILL paint it though. Wondering on the colours.....

Had a bit of travel this year again. Was in Lyon, France for 3 weeks and have recently returned from Russia after attending a conference there. Here's a video of me in a VERY good mood, all from seeing the Red Square for the first time.


A happy happy me from seeing St Basil's.
One thing I have taken from both trips is that I need to learn to speak more languages. Native English speakers tend to be rather arrogant expecting that they will be able to get by because 'surely everyone everywhere speaks some English?'. Pah! At the very least I try learn to say 'hello', 'thank you' and 'goodbye' in the language of the country I am visiting. Just a hint, that's not enough. I came away from Russia knowing how to say 'please' or 'it's a pleasure', at least I think that's what the word I learned means. And I ate borscht. Which was divine. Very tasty indeed. Oh, and I did manage to order MacD's in Russian. Whoopee for me.

Am meant to go back to India again this year but I have no wish to repeat that experience so we're sending someone else in my stead. Thank goodness. I do know where I will be for Christmas though... in Bethulie.

Oh! Last few things: attended the Durban July horse racing event for the first time. Was fun. The horses were magnificent. Also locked my flatmate and myself out of our flat. Again. Well, different flat, but still, again. My fault. R450.00 later....