Tuesday, 8 November 2016

Psychology after crime

I had a rough night last night. Slept in 1-ish hour bursts and the faintest of noises woke me up. Someone's window creaked open/closed and my entire body tensed, with my heart a painful ball in my chest. All this, from one person's few minutes unlawful entry into my flat as I slept on Saturday night. Then I was sleeping quite well, didn't hear a thing as they crept through the burglar bars on my kitchen window (somehow avoiding all the clanky stuff below it that should have made noise), riffled through my handbags, my boyfriend's jacket pockets, and stole across the lounge to see what else they could grab. They must have been disturbed then and legged it with whatever they saw first, as my boyfriend's wallet was in full view yet untouched. So, not so bad in the scheme of things. Could have been a lot worse. That's what we tell ourselves every time we are affected by crime and we come out of it unharmed/alive.

But now I find myself dealing with the mental aspect of it. It's taken me three years to start getting over the jumpiness and nightmares from the last break in, although that time I was face to face with the guy as he was leaving. It's the invasion of privacy, personal space, sanctum, that gets to me. The feeling that you're not secure is awful. What's almost as bad is living in a self-imposed prison, windows and doors shut tight against the threats, knowing they'll get in anyway if they want to.

Sunday night wasn't too bad, when I thought it would be worst. Alas, it seems time is not my friend here; the longer my subconscious has to think and dwell, the worse it gets when it comes to sleep. Think I am more prepared for it this time round though, compared to 2013. Let's hope so anyway, so I can get control of my mind a lot quicker than last time.